If one is ever bored and happens to find oneself in posession of a pack of Trojan condoms, I highly recommend tearing apart said pack of condoms to read the instruction manual printed inside, which contains a detailed little how-to print-out on condom use... complete with illustrations.
I think this is amusing primarily due to the fact that the instructions border on, but are not quite, sarcastic; with the illustrations being exceptionally bad (and yet a bit overly-detailed... are little speckles indicating pubic hair really necessary? Will my knowledge of condom-application not be complete without pubic hair? ...Seriously???)
It's very clear that whoever the poor bastard who got stuck drafting this is, is thinking that this most definitely was not what they had in mind when they sought a degree in technical writing...
Wed, May. 9th, 2007, 02:20 am
STUPID. FUCKING. MEN.
Upon my return from South Dakota this summer, whilst foraging around for hand-me-downs because the majourity of my clothes were in storage and wearing the same 5 outfits over and over was getting wearisome, Mom gave me some jeans that I could technically fit into, but which were uncomfortably tight. Stashed them away in dresser, figuring; I lose 5 more pounds, they'll fit. Negative-TEN pounds later, I rediscover them in my dresser drawer, and think "Hey!!! These oughtta fit by now!!!" Right???
Nope. They fit, at 143 lbs, EXACTLY as they did at 153 lbs. In fact, since last March, at my peak/low-point/however-you-want-to-look-at-it of 175 lbs, I was still wearing the same pants that I am now. They were tight, whereas now they're baggy, but still... factor in that they stretch and I think it's safe to estimate that I've lost a total of about 1 full pants size; having gone from roughly a 12/14 to a 10/12.
That's about 35 pounds lost. And ONE FUCKING pants size. HOW THE HELL DOES A PERSON LOSE THAT MUCH WEIGHT AND NOT HAVE A SIGNIFICANT DROP IN PANTS-SIZE???? My dress-size has gone down. My shirt-size is much smaller. I'm now a 34/36 C-and-a-half cup, instead of a 38 DD, and my face, arms, back, neck, and shoulders are noticably slimmer...Why do I only seem to be capable of losing weight from the waist upwards? O_o Does this make any sense whatsoever???? My ass and thighs are now more muscular than they were in March, but barely any smaller. The circumference of a single one of my thighs is only marginally smaller than the circumference of my waist. WTF?
My goal is to lose another 10 by Spring Break-ish, which should put me at my "ideal" weight for my height and frame size, and should be about where I can declare myself officially-happy-with-my-weight (I think the last time I could have declared that was sometime before puberty hit and estogen went and fucked with my metabolism, and it's been a mostly losing battle to get back to being not-at-least-somewhat-on-the-chubby-side since), and at that point, I will STILL probably be wearing size 10 jeans. I think if I were to go anorexic and drop to, say, 105 lbs... I'd still be a size 10.
I probably shouldn't really be ranting about this; I'm at a reasonably healthy weight over-all, and I'm sure there are much more worthwhile things that I could choose to write about than large hips, but... I've worked hard to lose all that weight, dammit. It's been the one and only thing I feel like I've accomplished this past year. It just doesn't seem fair that the place where I most want and need to lose the weight, is the one place that I can't seem to lose the weight.
I don't understand... T_T
My day began with the following conversation:
Mom: *barges into room at an ungodly early hour of the morning* Happy Birthday!!!
Me: *mumble mumble*
Mom: Wake up!!!!
Me: mmmm... can I have birthday cake for breakfast?
Mom: No. Don't start your day off with junk food.
Me: Aww. But I want cake...
Mom: C'mon... get up and start your 21st birthday off right.
Me: *blink blink* ...Drunk?
Me: Can I have a box of wine for breakfast!!!!??
There are few things so enjoyable as goading my mom...
Wed, Oct. 11th, 2006, 02:45 pm
Je Suis Fucked
Ok... so my current grade in Biology stands at a pretty much even 30%. We've finished 400 out of a total 1000 points for the semester.
To keep my financial aid, I have to pass with at least a C.
To make at least a C, I will have to score nearly PERFECT on every single remaining assignment, labs included, this semester.
This will land me at a 72%... meaning I have only two points of leeway for less-than-perfect scores. This isn't likely to happen given the situation with my incompetent labmates (even if I do somehow manage to get A's on all of my own assignments), as we've thus far gotten barely more than half credit on any single lab we've done, and I don't forsee a turnabout in this trend to suddenly perfect scores. I don't think I can switch lab groups at this point, and even if I did, unless I somehow landed in a group that just happened by some freak twist of fate to be composed entirely of people who are 100% dedicated and competent, this still wouldn't likely help my predicament.
If I fail the class, I lose my financial aid. If I drop the class, I lose my financial aid, but don't get an F on my transcript (however, I'm not sure an F would look much worse than another addition to my collection of W's). However, if I drop it, that puts me below 6 credit hours, meaning I lose my loan for THIS semester as well... and I have no other means of paying the necessary $1,300, which is past the point of being refundable. If I'm lucky, I can still pull a decent grade in Geography, at least... and I'll get to keep my gym membership and other such perks; so it won't be a complete waste of money...
If I lose my financial aid, I can't go to school next semester, and will have to work both to A: pay for my tuition and fees so that I CAN eventually go back to school, and B: pay off this semester's debt. Which means I'm gonna be donning the prestigious title of 4th-year Freshman by the time I can afford to go back.
So what should I do? I think, excluding the slim-to-nonexistant chance of a miracle, that it's a no-win situation.
So... maybe the more practical question would be: Does anyone know where I can get a decent job? :/ ...Or perhaps someone has some convenient treasure maps of buried gold laying around? Fool-proof bank-robbing schemes? Winning lottery tickets? A large sum of money that will qualify for a tax deduction if they give it to me in guise of a charitable write-off?
...Anything of that variety?
Wed, Sep. 20th, 2006, 11:53 pm
You know... in my lesbian days, I always thought that heterosexuals had it easy.
Now, I'm thoroughly baffled as to how I ever could have thought such a thing.
I am absolutely in love with Regina Spektor at the moment. Turned on MTV during a bout of insomnia-induced channel-surfing the other night, and saw "Fidelity", and I was hooked. I think there need to be more Russian muscians released in the US... there doesn't seem to be such thing as a Russian with no musical talent (or perhaps there are, but those are instead blessed with remarkable figure skating or ballet skills).
Ben Folds and Snow Patrol are currently quite addictive, too. Trance is still numero uno, but I'm really liking the vocal/chill/bluesy/ambient rock right now, too. Good stuff.
Ach. Interview today. So nervous. I hate interviews... T_T
Tue, Apr. 18th, 2006, 09:23 pm
Byproduct of Sunday (with some photoshop editing). I dub it "Synaesthasia".
Hahaha... this is going to be the best Easter ever!!!
Happy bunny day, everyone!